2010 - Are YOU ready?

So I keep hearing that "2010 is gonna be MY YEAR". I couldn't help but ask myself, Why not the culmination of all years past? Isn't that what brings us to where we are today and where we are going tomorrow?

In retrospect I can look back and take note of all the things I didn't do or experience and proclaim that in 2010 THIS will be THAT year. But I won't do that. I mean despite the ups and downs of 2009 I wouldn't change the course of things that brought me to where I am right now at this moment. This moment, this here and now is what is bringing me INTO 2010...smarter, a little more grown up :) and definitely happier.

In 2009 I was able to find another job within 6 weeks after this whole economic meltdown. I am blessed and pray for all my friends and even those I don't know who still struggle to get back to to work.

In 2009 I learned that being self reliant wasn't a bad thing just a necessary evil. But it doesn't mean that I cannot lean on those that I call family and the ones I can call true friends.

In 2009 I have had the blessed opportunity to meet some of the best people I am proud to call true friends. You all know who you are, because honestly only my true friends would read this LOL. Ok maybe some others too ;)

Now what have I truly enjoyed out of 2009? Why the simple things of course! Check it...My chucks. Gotta have 'em!

Say what you will, I am a Bay Area girl at heart! "you know that Bay Area heart kid runnin through my veins" Ooooweeee!!

My heart beats with the beats that come out of this place (along with many others ;).

I have seen my NINERS play the way they were meant to play! Talk all the smack you want haters but in comparison to 1 year ago, Mike Singletary has brought my NINERS back baby!

2009 also has brought me a new understanding of who I am, where I been and now where I am going. In the past my blogs and the things I have written about have been more on the personal side, my own outlook on things that have impacted my life. At times this has been a very painful process. But just as they say all bad things come in three, well guess what? So do all good things! The last few months I have had three good things come my way. No I'm not going to come right out and tell you...not yet. But let's just say they are all good and will definitely take my life in a new direction.

All I can say is I'm ready to ride it till the wheels fall! That and I got my seat belt on and I'm ready to drive it like I stole it!

But don't worry I am not going anywhere you won't find me. I will still ask you to tell me something good....to talk to me.... for the love of music.

Peace

~~Angel

Mi Familia

I am always reminded of how precious life is. No matter what is going on in your life, family is all that matters. While I battled the flu all week who was there for me? My family.

And now I return that love and will do my best to return some of the strength I draw from. Last night I received heart wrenching news. My dear cousin at this moment is going through an unimaginable loss and all I can do is my best to be there, pray and cry with her and my familia and grieve for this loss. Instead of welcoming their newborn son with all the love joy and happiness that most parents share with the birth of a child, their home will be filled with grief and sadness asking Why? How could this be? At 37 weeks she knew something was wrong and immediately called her doctor who ordered an emergency C-section. They fought hard to revive her son...only to declare him brain dead this past weekend. He was on life support to allow his father, who bravely serves to protect this country we call home, time to come hold his son and say goodbye.Last night they said their final goodbyes to their precious son who graced their lives for one short week.

I can't help but feel at a loss for what to say to her, how to express my deep and heart felt grief. As a mother my heart breaks for her. As a woman I can't imagine a loss so significant that it may very well destroy me. But let me tell you something about my cousin, she is no ordinary woman. Growing up she showed wisdom that reached far beyond her years. She gave advice that to this day I still use. She has a faith in God and a love for family and this country that is almost unparalleled. She did everything right, with a few bumps along the way, I mean hey who doesn't right? So last night as I cried for her and her loss I asked God why? Why would you do such a thing to such a good person? To someone who has loved You and always done for you? Why forsake her now?

And in that moment I heard my grandmother's wisdom. When my Dad died I will never forget her arms around me and her words to me (in Spanish of course :) God never would have given you anything we couldn't handle. And yes, even this. And Indy, while you grieve for your son, know this. Our Abuelita, la Dona Maria, is with him now and could we ask for anything more than that? To be with our Father in Heaven forever in his embrace?

I know nothing I could say to you will make it better to dull the pain in your heart. But I love you Indy and I am here, holding you in my heart during this most difficult time. I know you will face this tragedy and overcome as you always have, stronger in your love for family, your faith in God and determination to LIVE.

Te amo prima.....

Love
~~M

Epiphanies

So it seems like it's been since forever that I have taken a moment to breathe my life in, relax and write a few words and let the rest of the world in on my most innermost thoughts (ok not all, just some ;) I think with all that has gone on as of late I kept telling myself i needed to take a breath and let it all in (or out as the case may be) and it's not that i did really but i think i realized something, especially today.

Never take for granted those who listen to you. those who care for you. those who comfort you. those who respect you. those who make the monsters under the bed go away. those who make you feel safe. those who make you laugh. those who make you smile. those who make you think. those who let you be you. those who let you share you with them, with the world. those who let you live, love, laugh and fly.

I'm a full time flyer baby!

To those of you who have been and done all these things, THANK YOU, for being there, for letting me cry, letting me be me! for allowing me to laugh, joke and play around. for listening to me. and for all the other little things i am sure i am bound to miss in my string of thank yous.

So why blog versus just tell you? cuz hallmark don't make cards for this! and this truly is just an expression really of pure gratitude for those in my life, the roles they play in this mad play called Angel's Vida and how much I would miss any of you if for a moment you were lost to me forever.

Peace as always
~~Angel

and yes I am a ♥happymess♥

Transition

Things are in constant motion, contstantly changing morphing to something new. With all the things we have known and come to know interwoven into the present, this is what brings us to the now, to today. everything we have ever done, experienced or lived through has made us what we are right now at this moment.

So why state the obvious? Maybe because the maority of people can't grasp this simple concept. Most people will drag parts of their past with them and carry that baggage everywhere they go forever. Now don't misunderstand, I am not a cold compassionless person. I myself have been through some major ish...but you gotta know it, recognize it and make a promise to yourself you won't let it weigh you down and take you down like a sinking ship while you work through that. We all go through that.

No no no, the folks I am talkin' about wear this around their neck like a 50 lb lead weight and they do mean to drag you down with them. You know who they are, you see them every day. When you talk to them all they do is complain, they have nothing positive to say and when you hang up or leave their company you actually feel the negativity oozing off of you. ICK!! Instead of just shaking my head at these folks I can't help but feel sorry for them somehow. Some don't even carry baggage, they carry frieght, no lie. I seen it, true story.

I choose not to live my life that way. Something my Dad told me a long time ago has stayed with me since I was a kid. "No matter how bad you think you have it, there is someone out there who has it worse than you do." It took me a long time to embrace that concept and not just embrace it but live it! Yes, there is a difference.

I think I have found my life to be in constant transition. Someone is always moving my cheese lol. Now the first time it happened I didn't know what to do or how to handle it. Yet when I look back I now realize it wasn't the first major change. I had been through other things, major life changes if you will, and survived them all.

I guess it's why I feel like I can say what I say, feel what I feel enjoy who I am and say, you know what? I TRULY don't give a damn who likes it or not. When you start living your life to please everyone else, THAT is the moment you stop living. Period. Live for YOU and watch how much you happier you can be.

I can say this because I have been through some serious shit...pardon my language but there truly is no better way to say that. I have and I survived and if that is what I had to go through to be who I am now, I regret none of it. I could easily sit her and say poor me....but really come on me? Seriousy? No. I detest when people do that. Have some ganas, some drive, some ambition to be better, to have better to get up keep going and do it like you neva done it before.

Simple truth is I know that my life is far from over, far from settled so I know other things will get thrown my way. And like always I will handle it head and come out shinin' and smilin'.

Peace as Always
~~Angel